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Surviving sexual assault: One victim’s story

  • Published
  • By Capt. Suzanne Ovel
  • 20th Fighter Wing Public Affairs
When she woke up, everything had changed. 

Her best friend no longer existed. At least his status as her best friend was now gone. 

That had altered instantly and irrevocably when she found him on top of her, assaulting her. 

The evening had begun as any other for Amanda*, an Airman who asked her name not to be used in this article. She and her best friend were studying together, alone, at her place. 

Feeling tired, she decided to call it quits for the night, and asked him to leave. Later, when she awoke with him violating her, any residual feelings of sleepiness sharply shifted to horror and shock. 

After he left, Amanda showered. 

“You’re not supposed to, but no one can ever understand how disgusting and dirty it feels,” she said. “I’ve never scrubbed so hard in my life; I just couldn’t wash it away.” 

A little less than an hour later, Amanda reported the assault to the authorities. 

“I was too scared to call, and until that morning, he was my best friend, and I was about to have him arrested,” the 19-year-old said. “I was so torn.” 

Today’s victims can opt to use restrictive reporting if they immediately contact the base’s sexual assault response and prevention coordinator. But when Amanda was assaulted, that option wasn’t available. The authorities began a full investigation. 

After the phone call, she went directly to the hospital for a medical examination, while investigators examined her residence for evidence. 

That single night forever altered her emotions, thoughts and focus in life. 

“It touches every aspect of your life, and it’s not just something you can walk away from,” she said. 

“Before the assault, I was just worried about my career,” Amanda said. “Afterwards, (I felt) humiliated, hurt, furious, terrified, disgusted, nauseous, dizzy, you name it.” 

Amanda’s family, her pet dog, and a few select people helped her start her recovery from the assault. 

For Amanda, her attacker’s brother-like status made the betrayal even stronger. She still questions his motives. 

“I would ask him what in the h-ll was going through his mind that he felt he had the right to do that,” she said. “I just hope he gets mental help.” 

To other victims, she would simply say, “I’m sorry. That’s all you really can say.” 

She pleads with Airmen who know a sexual assault victim to not force them to talk about the incident, and to not be offended if the victim treats them differently -- the victim’s perceptions may be altered. 

More importantly, she wants family, friends and coworkers to not victimize the person again, judging them or questioning their accounts. 

“Can you imagine being too afraid to fall asleep for fear that you’re going to wake up with someone on top of you? I hope not, but victims can,” she said. 

“Please, everybody, have compassion.” 

Sexual assault awareness facts:
-- Acquaintance rape accounts for 88 percent of all rapes 
-- Isolation is a common method used by sexual assault perpetrators 
-- Restrictive reporting allows victims to receive medical care and counseling without an official investigation; to use restrictive reporting, victims must directly contact the sexual assault response and prevention coordinator at 895-7272.
For more information or to report a sexual assault, call Cindy Evans at 895-1928.