Finding "the one," making a life-long decision Published Sept. 28, 2006 By Senior Airman Holly MacDonald 20th Fighter Wing Public Affairs SHAW AIR FORCE BASE, S.C -- (Editor's note: This is the first in a marriage series.) Marriage is a union of two people who love each other and commit to spending their lives with one another. Choosing a partner may be the most important decision a person makes in his or her life. "As we consider premarital preparation, one thing to do is identify your mate as who they are and how they feel about different things," said Chaplain (Capt.) Cregg Chandler, 20th Fighter Wing chaplain. "Generally speaking, the idea is to get to know someone before you get married." Things people need to understand about their partner before marriage include their views on marriage, family, finances, religion, household dynamics and division of labor, Chaplain Chandler said. Understanding these prior to marriage is extremely significant. Also especially in the military, couples need to understand conflict resolution and the stresses of military life. Marriages aren't designed to have the husband and wife apart from one another. In the military, deployments and long hours can have a huge effect on marriages, Chaplain Chandler said. The ideal partnership is a couple who has the same morals, the same faith and who embrace each other's background, Chaplain Chandler said. When it comes to backgrounds, some people say looking at the parents may tell a lot about how a spouse will turn out. However, every person is unique and people don't necessarily turn out just like their parents. There is no black and white when it comes to choosing a partner. And there is no magic number of how long a couple should be together before marriage. The key is to know the person well and know what expectations there are on both parts for the marriage, said Chaplain Chandler. When a couple decides to get married, the base chapel offers premarital counseling. Depending on the chaplain, the couple will attend at least three to six sessions any where from three to six months. During this time, chaplains try to get the couple to understand marriage and explore ideas and situations the couple might not have thought of before. When making the decision to get married, seek counsel not only from chaplains but also family, especially mom and dad, Chaplain Chandler said. Involve close friends, family and mentors; don't go at it alone. Allow these people to share what they see and give advice; take it for what it's worth. During this time in a person's life, there are always exceptions to the rule of thumb. Each relationship is different, but the key things a person can do are: know the person well, discuss expectations and seek counsel.