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How to manage grief and loss

  • Published
  • By Senior Airman John Gordinier
  • 20th Fighter Wing Public Affairs
SHAW AIR FORCE BASE, S.C. --  Since the start of the 101 critical days of summer, Shaw has lost three Airmen who were friends, wingmen and loved ones.

The Air Force has programs to help people in their time of need when they've lost someone close.

"If a person is feeling grief, depression, guilt or anger about losing a loved one or friend, they can seek help by talking to a chaplain, talking to a grief counselor or going to Life Skills and scheduling an appointment," said Capt. Catherine Callender, 20th Medical Operations Squadron clinical psychologist.

"If an individual came to me for help, I would listen and try to determine his feelings," said Chaplain (Col.) Gary Perry, 20th Fighter Wing head chaplain. "Some questions I might ask would be: 

- How do you feel? 

- Are you feeling hurt, anger, depression, guilt?

- How are you going to go forward? 

- How is your relationship with God? 

- How is your social life? 

- Are you exercising and taking care of yourself?

"Most people just need to talk to someone in their time of need," he said. "After the discussion, I would ask the person to come back to make sure he or she is alright and to determine if more counseling is needed."

"If someone came to me about a loss, I would first listen," said Mrs. Michelle Vance, 20th MDOS grief counselor. "I would then try to learn about the relationship the person had with the deceased to help him better deal with the pain. My questions would be based on what I was told about the relationship, but I would discuss the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I would also discuss some signs and symptoms of grief.

"Some physical symptoms might be increased fatigue, loss or increase in appetite, sleeping problems, shortness of breath, aches and pains or headaches," she said. "Emotional symptoms might include guilt, resentment, irritability, sadness, sense of failure, preoccupation with the deceased, mood swings or dreams," Mrs. Vance said. "All these symptoms are normal and it's important that the Airman know this, because he might think he's losing his mind."

"Some things a person might do to help the healing process would be to make a conscious effort to eat healthy, drink plenty of fluids, avoid alcohol and tobacco, exercise and get plenty of rest," she said. "Although, the best medicine for grief is probably communication. If you can't find a friend, co-worker or family member to talk to, journaling is always an option. Write it down and get it out of your head whether it is in the form of a poem, prayer or letter. Communication is the best outlet for releasing bottled-up emotions."

Another option for a person feeling grief and loss is to go to Life Skills.

"When an individual goes to Life Skills, he will engage in conversation with a psychologist or social worker," Capt. Callender said. "Questions will be asked to help determine what the individual is feeling. Then we determine what the best treatment will be."