April: honoring the sacrifices of military children

Published April 16, 2013
By Airman 1st Class Krystal M. Jeffers
20th Fighter Wing Public Affairs

SHAW AIR FORCE BASE, S.C. -- In the service of their country, members of the U.S. military make many sacrifices such as leaving their families for months and risking their lives in distant countries.

When service members deploy, they leave people behind who love them. For some, those left behind include not just a spouse, but also children. Also, every permanent change of station causes the service member, their spouse and their children to leave behind friends and family.

Currently there are 1.7 million American children and youth under 18 with a parent serving in the military and about 900,000 have had one or both parents deployed multiple times, according to the U.S. Department of Defense.

In 1986, Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger designated April as the Month of the Military Child to recognize that service members are not the only ones sacrificing for their country, but also their children, according to the National Military Family Association.

"Although young, these brave sons and daughters stand in steadfast support of their military parents through moves and deployments," said a DOD official. "The Month of the Military Child is an opportunity to recognize military children and youth for their heroism, character, courage, sacrifices and continued resilience."

Retired U.S. Air Force Master Sgt. Steve Thrash was a military child growing up and his wife, U.S. Air Force Tech. Sgt. Sandra Alvor-Thrash, 20th Fighter Wing chaplain assistant, and him have five kids who are also military children.

"A military child is someone who grew up around the military and lived the military way of life whether their parents were active-duty or retired," Thrash said.

Alvor-Thrash has currently been deployed to Afghanistan for three months and is expected to stay for another three. Almost 6,800 other members of Air Combat Command are also deployed. Eighty percent are currently on six- to 12-month rotations.

"My three-year-old asked for her mom several times and doesn't understand why mom is not here," Thrash said. "It's hard to explain to a three-year old. You just say, 'Mom is working. She will be gone for a little while, but she will be home soon.'"

This is the second time Thrash's youngest has experienced a parent deployed though some of her older siblings are experiencing it for their seventh time.

"As they get older they want to know why their mom has to go, where she is and (if she is safe)," Thrash explained. "They're concerned about her being deployed in a combat zone. What you try to do is settle their fears the best you can by telling them the layers of protection around her."

Dejsha Tatum, the daughter of U.S. Army Maj. Laura Byrd, Third Army/U.S. Army Central research analyst, also had to handle having her mother deploy. Byrd is a single mother who returned April 15, 2013 after an eight-month deployment which was the longest time she and her daughter has had to be apart.

"It was hard being apart from my mother for so long," Tatum said.

Byrd's deployment was her first. Though she has only been on one deployment, Byrd has been on over 20 different temporary duty assignments since Tatum's birth. Typically, each TDY was a few weeks long, but there were a few that lasted over 30 days.

Children face not only the challenges of deployments which include coping with the absence of their parent and the possibility of them suffering an injury or losing their life. They must also handle the nomadic life of the military that involves changing schools and leaving friends as they frequently move from station to station.

Some of Thrash's children have moved three times and have lived as far as Alaska. Tatum has lived in seven different states including Alabama, Missouri, Kansas, Texas, Virginia and Georgia.

It is often difficult on the children, as they are displaced time and again from schools, and sometimes have a difficult time making friends since they are constantly moving.

"My daughters say that they don't want to make a whole lot of friends because they will just have to leave," Thrash said.

Though they leave friends behind, military children also have the opportunity to see a lot of different places and experience various cultures from all around the world, according to Usmilitary.com.

Because her mother was a part of the military, Tatum has been able to experience different cultures in America. She was able to meet many people when she was in Washington D.C. along with being able to see many monuments. Her favorite was the Washington monument. When she had to leave she cried, Tatum said.

There are various resources available to military families to help them cope with these many challenges and they are offered by the supporting agencies on base like Family Advocacy, the Chapel, and the Airman and Family Readiness Center to name a few.

"The Chapel has been a great support," Thrash said. "They're very good in trying to help us out. I know that I can call anyone in the Chapel right now and say I need help and get it."

In addition to the Chapel, the Thrash family found support from the A&FRC.

"A&FRC has been a very good resource," Thrash said. "They have all kinds of programs like Parent's Night Out which is where they will watch your child for a few hours, parenting classes, classes that teach you how to operate while your spouse is gone, and pre-deployment and post-deployment classes. They also gave my children deployment packages with information to help them understand why their mom is gone."

Other members of the military community have also been trying to support Thrash and his children along with other families with deployed loved ones.
"The first sergeants send out weekly emails to update us and the Key Spouses Group sends us information about the services around base," he continued. "All the supporting agencies on base have been a great help."

"Support for service members' families and, specifically, their children during deployments helps the warrior engaged in the deployed mission to focus completely on the task at hand," said Master Sgt. Nicholas Cataldi, 20th FW superintendent for chapel operations. "Airmen perform exceptionally if they don't have to worry about home and family issues while contributing to the AF mission abroad. Additionally, we must remember it isn't just the Airman who is affected by the deployment cycle; if that Airman has a family to support, then the entire family shares in that separation and sacrifice."

A&FRC is currently offering a program called Specialized Training of Military Parents, or STOMP, and it is designed for parents of individuals with special needs. The program is broken into two sessions that are scheduled to take place April 24 and 25.